This is something about the world of open sex and sexy, sex-positive people that I love above all else: Men and women alike are supportive, positive, and complimentary. Imagine my delight to be a forty-something housewife who hears, “Wow, your ass is a work of art!”
My husband and I made the sex club a regular thing – date night, just like other couples all over the country, but with a twist
Who wouldn’t get a little bump hearing that? In my monogamous life, I rarely received this kind of adulation. At the sex club, I was complimented often, and the confidence I gained profoundly affected other areas of my life.
After that first visit, I was unapologetically drawn to the club; I became braver, and more deliciously in-my-skin every time. In my experience, people need to feel safe to feel sexy, and within the club’s walls, I could express myself as a sexual being in a way that I had never dreamed possible. I danced on poles, stripped to nothing, and openly, brazenly approached men and started conversation. My husband, more reserved by nature, enjoyed watching me – and the other women in the club.
As practitioners of open, positive sex, my husband and I are more attentive to each other, more patient with each other’s feelings, and more grateful for our marriage than we have ever been before
Much to my surprise, I loved to see his gaze linger on other women. Seeing women interested in couple dating app my husband was exhilarating – it affirmed and inflamed my desire for him to know that beautiful women thought he was sexy too. Another revelation: I am a compersionist, which means I get off on seeing the people I love give and receive pleasure. In that regard, for us, the club was a paradise.
It’s hard to describe the giddy anticipation I felt when I was driving around town in my sweatshirt, doing the daily errands, knowing that in mere hours I would change – superhero like! – in to some slutty little dress and do incredibly sexy things with my husband – and other men.
In the years since, my husband and I have had relationships with many people, both singles and couples. Some of these have been brief and impassioned; others have been deeper sexual relationships that evolved into friendships that have endured even after some of the mutual ardor cooled. The compersion aspect brings both my husband and I joy, and we appreciate each other more when we can see each other as sexual beings through fresh eyes.
By exploring consensual non-monogamy – and actively communicating with each other – my husband and I have learned meaningful lessons about each other. We’ve exposed facets of ourselves that had never presented in our monogamous relationship.
Of course, we struggled when the big feelings came in: jealousy, insecurity, and countless others. We have certainly felt those feelings. It could be argued that we court those feelings by living a sexually open life. When jealousy and insecurity arise, we talk them through (sometimes reasonably, sometimes passionately). We seek help from professionals, books, the internet, and our community. Sometimes it feels like going through a car wash without a car, but with each conflict or conundrum my husband and I emerge better – more present with, and understanding of, each other.
Much to our surprise, my husband and I found that our exploration of consensual non-monogamy led us to a community of like-minded people who have become an integral part of our lives. People in this world are authentic and caring. We share great intimacy even if we never have sex with someone. We talk about things that are often quite sensitive and deep a little bit earlier in the conversation. We are patient with each other as sex partners and as human beings, and it shows. I have friends from all walks of life brought together by the ideals of sex positivity, which include being nonjudgmental. We may all be into different things, but we respect each other and acknowledge there is a place for everyone.